I Want my 130,000 and I Want It Now.

Donald Trump paid a porn star $130,000 a few weeks before the 2016 election for NOTHING. To get her to shut up about an affair that didn’t happen? To get her to stop talking about him? About Forbes magazine? He just wanted her to….oh I have no idea.

Ok, as Sarah Huckabee Sanders advises, let his tweets speak for him. So here goes:

 

“Non-disclosure agreements are very common among celebrities and people of wealth.”

Non-disclosure agreements are also very common among retired teachers from Catholic schools.

I know. I am a retired teacher from a Catholic girls’ school and oh the stories I could tell…cuz I taught seniors in high school, chaperoned proms and sometimes gave low grades. You can only imagine what I have been through.

If I could remember any of these stories, I would not tell any of them before I got my $130,000.

But I would prefer to get the money from Trump cuz according to his surrogates he would not even know that $130,000 had left his bank account. No harm. No foul.

BELIEVE ME, this is my first false story about Trump. Hope it’s worth a down payment on the $130.

Here goes.

One year Donald Trump enrolled in my coed summer school class (SAT prep). I gave the students a typical essay prompt but he ignored it and wrote a paper about himself. And even though he told me, I KNOW WORDS. I HAVE THE BEST WORDS, he didn’t. He made up words like COFEVE, BIGLY, SCHLONGED and YUGE. He also used real words like WINNING and MONEY–BILLIONS AND BILLIONS.

But. he used no evidence to back up his commentary about his GREAT this and INCREDIBLE that. The whole thing was SAD. WRONG. FAKE. To make matters worse, the paper was filled with extra dots and skipped lines, misspellings and grammatical errors.

I gave him a “D.” He wanted an “A+.” So he sent his surrogates to my classroom (pictures  below). They stole my gradebook, my essays, my rolling cart. They threatened my students. I felt FRIGHTENED AND SAD.

      

Then they dictated this letter to me and made me sign it:

To Whom It May Concern:

Donald Trump is LIKE A REALLY SMART PERSON. He was A GOOD STUDENT. He COMPREHENDS VERY WELL. OKAY, BETTER, I THINK THAN ALMOST ANYBODY. In fact his TWO GREATEST ASSETS HAVE BEEN MENTAL STABILITY AND BEING, LIKE, REALLY SMART.”

Ok, if I don’t get the first payment of my $130,000, this goes out to my family (BTW, I have a HUGE family) and friends. Like right now. Before Rudy Giuliani has a chance to throw me under the bus.